All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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