Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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