I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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