Its about making memories worth repressing
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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