Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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