We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
