i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
