oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
