and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
