I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
