Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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