I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
