Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
