I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
