Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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