I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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