I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
