The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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