I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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