We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
