highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
