you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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