Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
