k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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