...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize