Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
