it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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