I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
