Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
