Buhtt sex?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
