So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
