Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
