I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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