When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
