Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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