What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
