You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
