The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
