Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
BRING THE BAGELS
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
