You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
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