I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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