Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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