I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Less talking, more tequila
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
