Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
