Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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