Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
