Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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