Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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