My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
