Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
