i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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