Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
