This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
