Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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