The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
