can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
