Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Randomize
