According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Pooping to opera.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
