Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
