if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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