yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
