Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
that's an acceptable place to lick
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
