Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
